This sucks

Feeling sad. 

So we have gone our separate ways. He had gone to Gili T with his family and I’m heading to Lovina. 

It sucks. 

Yesterday we had a good day, enjoying breakfast together. After my little nudge about his dad wanting to dive as we were getting dressed this morning, Kurt suggested they do a shallow dive for his birthday. His dad looked so happy, it was so cute and it made my heart glow a little!

They headed off to the dive shop to book it for later in the day. Kurt invited me along but I decided to stay by the pool. I didn’t want to be stuck if they said they could go diving right then, and I also didn’t want to look like I was just following them round. 

I was sunbathing for about 30 minutes when Kurt came back. They had booked the diving for this afternoon and they were having coffee at a cafe down the road. He had come back to get me!

We spent a couple of hours drinking coffees and then had lunch there too. Kurt and Dean wind each other up so much, it’s hilarious. 

We headed back to the hotel and Kurt and I had a swim. He was teasing and tickling me underwater. I got out after a bit and sat on the side, but not for long before he grabbed me and pulled me back in. We were laughing so much and I felt so relaxed with him.

We got out and I lay back in the sun, Kurt went to get ready for diving.

Mick looked a bit nervous but I wished him good luck as they went off, Kurt giving me a quick kiss as he went.

I was feeling uneasy about dinner, was I joining them? Should I excuse myself so I don’t crash the birthday dinner? Was I even invited to join them? Mick had said to the waitress yesterday that if it was good he would bring back 4 people for dinner, so I guess that included me?

I lay in the sun for a couple of hours but then felt too hot. There was no shade and I didn’t want to burn. I went into the room and decided to have a shower early. It was about 5pm and they were due back at 6pm ish so I thought I could shower and then I’d be ready if I was invited or ready to go elsewhere if not!

I washed my hair and had a lovely hot shower, I have really missed hot water!

I then lay on the bed and drifted off to sleep! I woke with a start but I had only been asleep about 20 minutes and no sign of them. 

I got changed and started to read on the bed. It wasn’t long until Kurt came back, jumped in the shower and then was ready to go. 

He said we were stopping at the sunset point on the way to watch the sun go down and have a beer, before going to the same place as last night. He was assuming I was going and so I didn’t want to sound like I didn’t want to go by questioning it. 

We left on the bikes, joking along the way and I have him a quick massage as we were riding along!

We got to sunset point and it was very busy. All the tables were full and so we got a beer and stood together. After a while, a table became free and so we sat down. 

Kurt mentioned the bike massage and his dad jokingly said he hadn’t got such treatment yesterday.

It was a beautiful spot with the sun going down behind the volcano. I took a few photos trying to avoid getting other people in it. It was quite a romantic spot with lots of couples taking selfies and photos of each other. 

We finished our beers and made our way a bit further along the coast to the restaurant. The lady recognised us from the night before and greeted us warmly. We had a good table and whilst at looking at the menu, Mick ordered a bottle of red wine. Here the wine is served chilled and I think I prefer it. 

We ordered a selection of starters that we could share and I went for a green chicken curry. It was the cheapest thing on the menu.

The starters were delicious, an avocado salad in a taco bowl, fresh tuna and coconut prawns.

We were talking about the accommodation they have booked on Gili T which they are hoping is nicer than the resort they are at now. They are paying a lot per night so I hope it is!

Mick said that he had booked a different place in Amed but that it had been too far from the dive shop. However, as they had hired bikes which they weren’t sure about before they arrived, it would have been fine. He then said but then Kurt wouldn’t have met me so it was worth it! 

We headed back to the hotel about 10pm, it was busy in the restaurant and the dive shop people were there having dinner. The owners of the dive shop chatted them for a bit. The guy then asked Kurt if I was his girlfriend. Awkward! Kurt laughed and said this is Sarah.

They then moved down onto the beach to speak to the instructor that had spent the week with them. I got 4 beers and finally managed to pay for something!

When I got to the table the instructor smiled at me and said hello Sarah, I’ve been hearing a lot about you this week. I smiled and shook his outstretched hand, blushing. 

He asked why I didn’t dive and I said I wouldn’t like to be under the water. Maybe one day.

We said goodbye to them after a bit and moved onto the sunbeds at the end of the pool. 

Kurt ordered some banana cake which we shared. It was really good but I was quite full from dinner. 

About midnight we all said goodnight and went off to our rooms. 

Before going to sleep, Kurt put his arms around me and pulled me on to his chest. Stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head. 

I didn’t want to have to say goodbye. I felt a bit teary and just wanted to stay like this forever. 

As if he was thinking the same, he let out a big sigh, tilted my head and kissed me gently on the lips. 

I whispered that it sucks we live on the other side of the world to each other. He whispered yes, kissed my head again and asked but you’ll come and visit soon? I said yes and then said that he could come and visit me when I’m home too. He said yes and then pulled me closer and held me there. 

We slept entwined all night, waking very early and making the most of the last few hours we had together before breakfast. 

Breakfast was a quiet one, everyone seemed a bit sad to be leaving Amed. 

Their taxi was due between 8am and 9am. From 8am we sat and waited. It was horrible. 

We sat separately, with me on the balcony and then the others all kept moving, going back to the room to check they had everything, over to the bar, out to the car park. They couldn’t sit still. Kurt eventually settled on the step at my feet and then within a minute the car was here. 

He stood up, kissed me and pulled me into a tight cuddle before kissing me again and then tickling me to make me laugh. 

We walked slowly to the car and then I gave Dean and Mick a hug goodbye, thanking them for having me on their holiday. 

They all got in and waved goodbye as they drove off. 

Gone. 

Thinking back to how I felt exactly a week ago, wondering how I could ever trust someone again, crying in my hostel, it’s crazy. 

I don’t know how this has happened but I really like him. I feel like we have a connection and if we had met at home I could carry on seeing him. 

I don’t know what is going to happen now. Will I ever see Kurt again? Did he really mean I should go to Australia to see him? Will we keep in touch or is that it?

So many questions are going round my head. 

Does this mean I’m finally ready to move on? Even if not with Kurt, maybe this was the feelings I needed to remember. The excitement and butterflies when being with someone. Instead of the pain and dull ache in my stomach when I think of him. 

Could Kurt have found Sazzle?

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