Market Terrors

Feeling scared.

Just one more day until I can go to the embassy. I find it unreal that the British Embassy, or High Commission as it’s officially called, is closed for 4 days. I mean, I’m not in any danger but imagine if I was, or if I had to get home straight away? It just seems irresponsible as the people that my parents and B have spoken to in the UK have said they can do nothing from their side.

But, finally, tomorrow is the day. I have set my alarm for 6.15am, to get there for 7.30am and be in front of the queue ready for when they open at 8.30am.

As they have been closed for so long I am expecting it to be busy. I still have my appointment booked for Friday, so if they refuse to see me without one I guess I will have to wait until then. However, I’m hoping if I cry and explain how upset I am they will take pity on ,e. After all, they are here to assist a British Citizen in need. And I am in need! 

Actually, what I need more than anything is a cuddle. I just want to be held and for someone to tell me it will be ok. I have felt so stressed and scared for days now and I’m just exhausted. 

I want a cuddle from him.

I know I shouldn’t, and at a time like this my heartbreak should not be playing on my mind but I just keep thinking, if we were together this wouldn’t have happened. He would have been with me to protect me. I just feel so vulnerable and scared.

I’m panicking about getting to Indonesia to be there with B, but after that, what I am going to do? Will I feel safe enough to stay travelling solo? Will I just want to go home? 

After my usual morning on the rooftop, I ventured out to the market today. I needed a new bag to carry my phone and purse in rather than my drawstring gym bag I have been using since getting here. 

The market is only 100m round the corner from the hostel so I didn’t need to walk far. I felt jumpy and nervous, clinging onto my bag.

I found a cute bag with purple elephants on and quickly exchanged the money, then squirrelled it away in my bag to sort out when I got back to the hostel.

As I was out, I thought I would have some food too, save two trips out. I went to a satay stall, and picked sticks of chicken and duck, with fresh pak choy, broccoli and cauliflower. He cooked them all fresh on the barbecue and it was so good. The fresh vegetables were what I had been craving for, and the meat was so tasty. 

Satisfied, I stated to move back into the market to get back to my hostel. It was crowded and being small, everyone was towering above me. I started to panic a little, felt I couldn’t see where I wanted to go and so stepped out to the side for a bit of space. I was right next to a fruit stall and so whilst there, I got some watermelon and mango slices.

I decided to just go for it, there wasn’t much of the market left to get through as I hadn’t gone in very far. I started walking and then, right before my eyes, I saw a man grab the strap of another mans bag and yank it. My heart almost stopped and I gasped. However, the man just turned round and they burst out laughing. It was his friend, pulling a prank on him. 

I didn’t find it funny, my legs had turned to jelly and my heart was racing. I pretty much ran back to the hostel, straight up the stairs, in my room and burst into tears on my bed.

The lady that lives there got off her bed and asked me if I was ok. I said I’d just had a bit of a rubbish week and then a shock. She patted my hand and gave me a chocolate biscuit. 

I stayed in the safety of the hostel for the rest of the day, in a world of time turners and hippogriffs with Harry. 

I spoke with mum and dad again, they wished me luck for my trip to the embassy in the morning. I have checked through all my stuff at least 4 times. I have the copy of my passport, the police report, passport photos, my hopeful itinerary and my credit card.

I’m ready and I just hope this time tomorrow I will have lost this sick feeling in my stomach.

I will have to think about what I will do after B leaves, if I feel I can continue or if it’s time to go home.

I don’t want to end my trip, I’m definitely not healed of heartbreak and I feel that if I give up I will have lost. If I’m back home, there will be be no possibility to meet up on an exotic beach. And just the thought of going back to normal life, but without him, is too much. 

I think I will carry on, I hope so. I just need to recover a bit, which with B here, I think I can do.

Sazzle can do it.

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