Chilling with too much time

Feeling meh. 

After a disturbed sleep with the storm, I woke to torrential rain. It was so heavy and there was a foot of water on the ground. 

We went up for breakfast as usual, none of us in the best moods after the night. 

After breakfast I came downstairs with my cup of tea, but instead of getting dressed we sat on the sofa. None of us wanted to go to project, the thought of washing an elephant in this rain was not a good one. 

Last time it rained it took so long for us to warm up again, with no hot shower to get into. 

The coordinators text to say elephant and turtle teams had to make the decision, but that it would be very wet and probably not very productive or enjoyable. We all straight away said no we were happy to miss it. 

I’m glad that we did, as when the coordinator came he said if we had gone to elephants, we would only have been able to clear the beds as we couldn’t stand in the lake in case it got hit by lightening. 

We spent an hour just sat on the sofas, I wish I had gone back to bed but I didn’t. I just sat scrolling through social media and watching rubbish on TV.

The 5 of us got tuk tuks into Ambalangoda and got delicious chocolate doughnuts from a bakery, snacks from food city and then Jenny got some buckets to give to the turtle project. 

We were only out for just over an hour and then headed back for lunch. 

This afternoon we didn’t move from the sofa! We watched friends on tv, had a nap and then Jemma did Jenna on herself, me and Jenny. 

I have a beautiful design on my wrist and hand. She is so talented!

It was a subdued day, I’m dreading Jenny and Rhian leaving on Saturday. That’s half our group gone and I’m going to miss them. 

It feels weird, they are excited to go home and keep saying what food they will eat and what they will be doing. But I’m not going home, I’m carrying on and it’s a bit scary. 

When I was in Goa, I made friends quickly and spent most of my time with the same group. Then when they left I made new friends at the hostel. 

Here, I have made such a close friendship with the 3 girls but there are also so many people here that I’m struggling with. They are just so loud and ‘gap year’ with no idea what it’s like to actually live in the real world. 

I think what I’m struggling with is that the house is so small and then these loud girls are just unavoidable. 

Tonight, most of the house went out for dinner and drinks. There were only 10 of us left in the house and it was so nice!

We had a peaceful dinner and then watched a film. The film, The Intern, was a cute film but there was a bit of a relationship issue and it just made me a bit sad. There was a scene where she was sobbing in the bath and it just reminded me of me a couple of months ago.

I suppose it does show how far I have come, I haven’t cried for a while (except in my sleep that night). I still haven’t spoken to him, I noticed he was online at the same that I was earlier, and I was so tempted but I resisted from messaging him. 

Keeping busy definitely helps, and so do these beautiful girls. All so young and innocent, so excited and trusting in love as they haven’t been hurt. I wish I could be like that again. I don’t know that I will ever trust a man again. I think I will always have doubt, and that terrifies me.

Great, now I’m crying…

Tomorrow is our last night as the squad, and so we are going out for dinner. I know I’m going to cry when I say goodbye to them both. I’m so glad Jemma is staying until the following week too. 

So today has been a slow day, with too much opportunity to think, finished off with a little cry. Tomorrow will be better and I’m determined to have a good look for Sazzle.  

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