Positive feelings

Feeling positive.

My last post was written with tears streaming down my face at 2am on Friday morning. I was in a lot of pain, and the loss really bringing me down. But I’m glad to say this is evening I have had no tears – in fact no tears all day.

Friday at work was a struggle, I looked awful and couldn’t stop yawning. Luckily, I only had to work the morning, as I then had an appointment at the doctors for blood tests (low blood pressure – I’m sure it’s fine).

He did text me again on Friday morning, a good luck at the doctors message which was nice of him. Heard nothing from him since Friday afternoon, but I think this time is helping me. He always used to travel with work, and so when we have been texting throughout the day, every day, it has almost felt like he is just away with work. And then with seeing him occasionally too, that hasn’t helped to feel any sort of end.

So, my first weekend with no contact from him, and I have coped ok I think.

Friday evening I had dinner with B and her boyfriend G. Just a lovely chilled evening with sushi and watching rubbish on tv. I stayed there overnight and got up bright and early on Saturday hitting the shops. I picked up a few essentials from town, I’ll do a full packing post once I’ve got everything, and headed home at lunchtime. I emptied the last bits from my car and sorted them out. Then I had a little nap and got ready for my work leaving do.

Work leaving do was quite small, only 6 of us, but we had a good laugh and lots of food and drinks. It was at my friend’s house, a different B, so I slept in another strange bed for the night. Luckily, this morning I wasn’t too hungover, and so I got home by 9.30am and posted my car for sale on Gumtree and Shpock, as well as my mum’s old darkroom equipment. I loaded my car with the last few charity shop bits and then met the boys F&P for lunch. It was so nice, we sat in the pub garden in the sunshine and had a delicious roast. Just chatting about random things, about the future. 

I dropped the charity stuff off and then headed home. A man came round to look at the car (after I had hoovered and polished it) and has bought it for £400! A great price! He is collecting it on Thursday evening, once I have finished work.

I have spent this evening researching Goa, and have broken it down into the different parts that I aim to visit. I need to print out and plot these on a map to see in which order I do them in.

Old Goa – Basilica of Born Jesus Christ, Se Cathedral (largest church in Asia)

Molem – Bhagwan Mahavir Wildlife Sanctuary, Dudhsagar Falls

Panaji – Municipal Market, Gujarat Sweet Mart

Anjuna – Flea Market

Ponda – Butterfly Conservatory of Goa (Mystic Meadows), Pascoal or Sahahari Spice Farm, Caves of Khandepor

Candolim – Cafe Choclatti, Fort Aguada & Lighthouse, Zappa’s Cafe

Palolem – Leopard Valley (outdoor nightclub), Butterfly Bookshop (yoga classes), Butterfly Beach (local fishermen), Sundowner Bar, Hira Restaurant, Boom Shankar, Cotigao Wildlife Sanctuary 

I have booked my airport transfer, so someone will be waiting at Goa airport with my name on a sign! And I have also booked my first hostel, so that I have a full week of accommodation booked. Summer hostel, booked into a 6 bed female dorm from Saturday. Hopefully, after my 3 days of total chill, I will meet some likeminded people and start my backpacker adventure.

So, feeling like I have had a productive, social and positive weekend – the best I have had in what feels like a long time. I just have to hope this feeling continues. It doesn’t mean I love him any less, or miss him any less. He is always there in the back of my mind, in my heart and a flutter in my stomach, but hopefully soon, Sazzle will be there too.


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