A wobble

Feeling daunted.

Today has been a strange day.

My application for volunteering on the elephant experience with Plan My Gap Year has been accepted – YAY!

And I was truly excited.

I received an email with a link to the volunteer handbook, which is 50 pages long with information about visas, food, accommodation, weekend options, packing lists, cultural differences and lots more.

There is so much to look at and sort before I go, but nothing seems simple;

  • Indian Visa – ETA started online, but I need a passport photo to upload
  • Basic Disclosure for CRB check – started online, but needs scanned documents to prove address
  • Travel insurance
  • Sri Lanka Visa – Confirmed, but I need to prove onward travel on arrival, so need to think about that

It’s starting to dawn on me…I’m going alone. Totally alone.

I didn’t want to be doing this by myself, this was meant to be the 2 of us doing it together. Working out visas and forms, being excited together. He has booked his flight, 5th April, my last working day. He is going to Thailand. He is doing our plan, but without me. It just feels wrong.

One of my friends has been in New Zealand since October 2016 and he is not having the best time, having broken his ankle surfing. He’s had a rough few weeks, and he’s told me today he is so unhappy because he is lonely. And now I can’t stop worrying. I don’t want to be lonely. I’ve lived alone, and I enjoyed it, but I always had friends and family close by that I could just visit or invite round. This is going to be totally different. I’ll be on the other side of the world to my family and best friends, the ones that have been getting me throughout the past couple of months. How will I cope without them?

Am I going to be lonely? Am I going to be homesick? Am I still going to be heartbroken? I’m terrified that I am going to be in the most amazing places, but wish I had someone to share it with? Am I going to find Sazzle?



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